Supporting someone who has experienced a romance scam

The situation to understand

A relative admits that an online relationship ended after several transfers. Family members want to prove they saw the warning signs, but the relative now fears ridicule more than another loss.

FTC advice cautions against sending money to an online romantic interest. A supportive response helps the person take practical action. Shame can make it harder to disclose continuing contact or another request for money.

A closer look at the practical details

Ask what practical support the person wants before deciding what to do for them. They might welcome help organizing dates and transactions but prefer to make the bank call themselves. They may also still grieve the relationship they believed existed. Acknowledging that loss does not validate the scammer’s claims; it recognizes the person’s experience. Keep your language focused on deception and current protection rather than intelligence or gullibility. If you are worried contact continues, ask directly and calmly. Punishing disclosure makes it harder to learn whether another request has arrived.

Invite a manageable contribution

Consider asking to thank the person for telling you and ask whether contact or payment requests are still continuing. Match the contribution to what the person can reasonably do now rather than what you hope they will eventually manage. Offer enough explanation to begin, then stay available for a specific question. Where appropriate, let the person choose how to complete their part. Taking over too quickly can hide what was confusing; leaving them without support can hide it too. Watch for the amount of help that makes participation possible.

Practice the moment that matters

One concrete approach is to help them reach the bank, platform and official fraud-reporting service using independently found contact details. If the action involves an unfamiliar sequence, talk through or demonstrate the part most likely to cause hesitation. Keep it brief and ordinary rather than turning it into a performance. Let the person ask what would happen if the first version does not work. A usable fallback can make the plan easier to try. Practice should clarify the action, not require somebody to display confidence they do not yet feel.

Use a specific example

When you offer company while they document what happened without circulating the account among relatives, anchor the explanation in one event or decision rather than a collection of general warnings. Describe enough of the sequence to make the issue understandable, then ask which part remains uncertain. Avoid bringing in every previous disagreement as supporting evidence. That can turn a practical conversation into a judgment of the person. One well-understood example often gives you a clearer starting point for the next action than a long retrospective.

Words to begin with

A possible opening: “I am glad you told me. We can deal with the next steps together, and you do not need to explain this to everyone in the family today.”

A complication worth addressing

Do not take over the person’s accounts without permission or blame them for every choice. Immediate protection and respectful support can coexist.

What to notice next

Look for whether the person feels able to disclose further contact and whether practical steps reduce continuing exposure.